GCSE exams had been such a fraught time for us all, trying to balance the need for a calm environment, providing support and positivity alongside encouragement of revision and maintaining all the boundaries that a 16-year-old requires. As a teenager diagnosed with Autism, there had also been additional challenges for my son around managing strong emotions, such as anxiety, and navigating the uncertainty associated with exams and finishing school. Every exam day became a hurdle to overcome, and I found myself counting down the days until it was all over.
Although it is widely known that transitions and periods of uncertainty can provide fresh challenges for young people with Autism, practical support in mainstream schools can be limited. It is no wonder that mental health difficulties become more pronounced for young people during these stressful times.
A parent’s perspective
On top of all this, although I have worked as a therapist with young people and their families for many years, what came as a surprise to me is how much the exam period can impact on parents’ mental health. My own stress levels increased considerably, with muscular tension, sleep disturbance, whirring worries and tummy upsets. I tried to hide it so that my stress didn’t impact negatively on my son, however, I found myself becoming irritable with others, spending a lot of time trying to think through a plan for every “what if …” scenario that popped into my head, even though I know this is not helpful.
Why was I reacting this way? I think it is inevitable that parents want the best for their children and feel a sense of responsibility to do as much as possible to care for them – it is easy to fall into the trap of viewing worrying as a way of caring and trying to stop something bad from happening. If only it were that easy! I regularly encourage my clients to challenge the accuracy of these kinds of beliefs.
Thankfully we got through the exam period and I had given little thought to what would come next for the family …. a chance to recover, de-stress and enjoy the Summer? I can see that the whole family’s mental health has improved considerably now that the exam pressure has gone away. We have ridden the storm and come out the other side.
Fast forward a month and we are now approaching the middle of the summer holidays. I am becoming increasingly aware that exam results day is looming and it feels like we are preparing for our next battle. How did he do given that he hated school and doesn’t believe in revising? How will he respond? He says he doesn’t care about exams but I’m not so sure. What options will be available to him? Do we start having conversations about it now or wait until the day? It feels like we need a plan but there are so many “what if …” scenarios that we can’t prepare for them all. This is where I can now try to put my ‘therapist head’ on. What would I say to others?
Keeping things calm
It is important to maintain a positive and calm environment where at all possible. We can ask him how he is feeling about exam results day and let him know that we are there to talk through any concerns. We can’t deal with “what if’s” but can have a plan of support in place for the day, so that we can respond as a family to whatever comes up. We know that there are options for our son, whatever the outcome, and who knows, the results might even be better than predicted!
Just as important is for parents to remember to look after their own mental health at these times – making sure we have support around us when we are having a wobble, getting a good balance of work, rest and play, engaging in positive activities and refocusing away from worries when possible in order to give our brains a break.
It’s worth thinking about what was helpful during the exam period. I found that swimming really helped with muscular tension and that having a dedicated time to talk to my husband (during the dog walk) meant that I was less focused on worries at other times. What works for one person may not work for another so it’s worth thinking now about what the right fit for you is, so that you can be prepared.
Finally, we need to be kind to ourselves and to share the responsibility with others around us, working as a team. If we can look after our own mental health, we will be better prepared to support our teenagers with managing the next few months.
Good luck to all parents and students who are awaiting their GCSE and A-Level exam results this month.
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